vaccination | (no subject)

(no subject)

The sun hasn't been up for an hour before the daylight sees Ellie pounding her fist on Joel and Tess' door. She knows it'll only be Tess in. She saw Jesse speaking to Tommy and Joel by the stables. They'll be out for hours, and Ellie imagines this conversation will only take minutes.

When the door doesn't immediately open, Ellie knocks louder and calls up towards the upstairs windows.

"Tess! Tess, get up!"

She doesn't give a fuck if it sounds like something's wrong because something is wrong. She's known it since they returned to Jackson. It's been eating at her, always in the back of her mind, and that last outing with Joel has lit a fire. She hasn't been sleeping. Last night, she couldn't manage more than a few minutes at a time before the conversation would replay in her mind, over and over and over.

Not so much the words, but the look in his eyes as he said them.

She's always been able to tell when Joel is lying to her even before she realized it.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It's a shitshow of a night and Ellie doesn't know if she'll ever be able to rid herself of the images seared into the backs of her eyelids. Even now, days returned back to Jackson, she can't sleep. Can't eat. All she can think about is rushing into that room, seeing Joel, the blood. Her own beating and what followed is a blur. As gunshots were fired and people screamed, all Ellie could do was beg Joel to get up. He couldn't.

Joel's had a hard fight. His leg's been removed and his head's taken a brutal bashing and the most experienced doctor they have can't tell them if he'll be entirely there, when (if?) he wakes up.

Ellie sits in the town's clinic, in the room they've made for Joel, staying beside his bed and watching the steady rise and fall of his chest. It's worse than that one winter, where she sewed up him and thought she'd lose him. This time, she really might because this is so much worse and even if he lives he'll never be the same, but she hasn't talked to the doctor today because at one point someone forced her to go home and sleep. All she did was stare at the ceiling. Vomit, at one point. Cry. Then, once she fixed herself up in the mirror, bruises and all, she resumed her post.

She reaches out to take one of the big bear paws resting on the bed, wishing with all her might that he'd stir. Give some sort of sign.

"C'mon," she murmurs. "You've gotta wake up."

The past twenty-four hours have been, in a nutshell, horrible.

Tess has slept, if you can call a fitful three hours in an upright chair "sleep." The rest has been spent pacing; with Ellie keeping vigil, she's been up with Tommy, scouring the countryside for anyone left of the little gang responsible for the aforementioned horror. She's exhausted, underfed, and operating solely on spite, but every year has at least a day or two like that. Back in Boston, sometimes it was once a month.

What they don't usually include is her partner, dying or maybe worse.

When she gets back in, she goes right to the doctor and speaks with him. Vital signs level. Head trauma is never pleasant, but keeping him sedated will manage his pain, and give them more time to assess the damage. A concussion is guaranteed. The skull may be cracked, but it's hard to tell until the swelling goes down. No convulsions or seizures, a good sign. Pupils still the same size.

Absolute best case scenario, four weeks for his head, eight weeks for his leg, a year or more of rehabilitation and learning to use it again. Fortunately, a woman a couple streets over was a PT twenty-five years ago. Unfortunately, Joel may not even make it that far.

Long used to the prospect of losing him to a headshot or a bite, Tess is not sure how to think about that kind of long-term. The simple answer is to not worry about it, at least for now. Save the feelings for later.

When she finishes up with the doctor, she heads to Joel's little room. She unslings her rifle and props it by the door, and then shucks off her winter coat to drape it over a spare chair. She gives Ellie a very tired but very concerned look.

"Ellie," Tess says, "you slept at all, sweetheart?"

As much as Ellie would like to be out there, hunting down whoever else might be out there, she can't. She can't leave Joel alone. If he died and she wasn't there--there's no coming back from that. So, she stays, and she promises herself that no matter what, no matter what the hell he's done, this is where she'll be. She hope he knows she's here. She's not angry and she doesn't hate him and she was going to invite him over to watch movies and she wanted that to be the road to getting back to how they were.

To be robbed of that is a knife in the gut, and it twists every time she thinks about it.

She looks up when Tess enters and lies.

"Yeah." And then back to the truth. "Dina sat with him."

Their eyes meet and Tess doesn't believe she's slept for a fucking heartbeat, but she lets it go. No sense in being hypocritical.

"Good," she says, and she approaches the bed. She bends over Joel briefly to put a ghost of a kiss to his forehead, stopping an inch short of actually touching him. When she withdraws back to her chair, she puts a hand to Ellie's shoulder briefly, firmly.

"You talk to the Doc yet?"

"Not yet. Did you?" She asks, looking from Tess to Joel. She hardly takes her eyes off him, afraid he might stop breathing or might try to wake up and she won't notice it right away.

She sits down and every muscle in her entire body sags into complacency. She's gripped by a great involuntary yawn.

"Just did," she replies. "We're going to keep him under for a few days to bring the swelling down, then see if we can better assess... but so far, no warning signs of it getting worse."

"What if he... can't walk? Or take care of himself anymore?" For fuck's sake, his bedroom is upstairs. Even without brain damage things would have to change.

"Anything could be messed up with his brain."

"I know," Tess replies, and she bends to unlace her boots. "But he'll walk with crutches. It's going to take him a while to get used to it, and we'll probably have to move his room down to the main level... that or move houses, find a nice bungalow."

She has had a number of hours to think about this, but that's Tess. Planning, and always adapting that plan.

"He loves that house." Maybe it's more to do with having a place to call home, but she's sat around more than one Sunday afternoon and watched him clean and organize over the brim of whatever comic book she was reading at the time. If not that, he was eager to fix some crack in the wall or creaking floorboard.

"We gotta find a way to make it work."

That he does, but a house is a house.

"It's a whole lot of space for two people," she replies. She's certainly not going to maintain it alone, especially considering she'll be picking up more of the load, at least for a couple years. "But we've got time. See what he thinks."

"I'll move in. I'll help."

It's said without hesitation as she looks at Joel's swollen face. She'd been so excited when the garage was offered to her. Her own space. Her own everything. Now, it's the last place she wants to be.

Tess frowns, and she watches the back of Ellie's head with some curiosity. When Joel had come into the house the night before, he'd been smiling ear to ear, even if his eyes had stayed on the floor. Better to hide the tears streaming down his face, probably. He'd come to bed and laid his head on her lap and sighed like a world of troubles had evaporated. Hadn't wanted to talk about it much, but Tess had figured what had happened. Joel slept with Tess running her fingers through his hair, slept through Tess easing him to bed proper, even with a coffee in him.

Probably the soundest he'd slept in years.

His sleep now is so chemical that Tess feels grim looking at him.

"You two have barely spoken for a long time now," she remarks. "Don't get me wrong, I know he'd love to have you, but if you've got some bones to pick, last thing he needs is..."

More stress? More heartache?

"I'm not--" She doesn't know what to say. Ellie sighs, leaning forward a bit, both hands on Joel's now.

"I'm not going to fuck it up or... make things worse. I want to be here for him. It's--after everything, it's the least I can do."

Figuring out forgiveness and where she stands on that can wait, but he needs to be alive for her to do that.

He needs to be alive.

"I'm not going to leave him."

"Okay," Tess replies. Obviously a lot has changed, with Joel potentially on his deathbed, but as with all things, Tess will believe it when it happens. Lots of things could still change. "It'll probably be at least a week before we can move him home. In the mean time, we'll get you moved back into the spare bedroom."

Ellie nods, finding some peace in getting that settled, at least.

"Did you and Tommy find any sign of anyone else?"

Tess nods.

"Found some tracks," she replies. "Followed 'em long enough to catch up, took care of 'em. They were WLF like the ones at the manor, so there's probably more up in Seattle. Not our problem, that far away, and the little bitch who shot first is dead, so."

So what's the point in going any further?

"But what is more come?" It'll take time for them to realize whoever the fuck these people are didn't come back. "We don't know why, unless... unless she told Joel."

While torturing him.

"Then what? They get into Jackson, armed?" Tess replies. "Not a chance. We'll be on high alert for weeks. And if Joel knows something, he'll tell us when he can, but until then... we deal with the problems we have right here."

Which is Joel's recovery. Even if he manages to pull through without some sort of long term brain damage, and can handle the fact he has one leg, it's just one more thing to fuck up his life.

"God... he's too old for this shit."

“Retirement used to be 65,” Tess replies. “He still has years in him yet.”

Not ones on a horse or with a rifle, not anymore, but years just the same. Tess sighs, slouching into her seat. It makes her feel old, too, forty-four just recently. Too young to lose her partner, though, that’s for sure. The whole idea makes her want to retch, but she’s got a kid to keep it together for.

She’ll probably have a good cry with Maria later, once she’s gotten some sleep.

"He won't be able to patrol anymore. He'll have to be happy with making stuff out of wood and playing guitar on the porch," she mutters, perhaps more to Joel than Tess. He has that to live for, at least. And them.

"He's gonna hate having to need help."

“He’s gonna loathe it,” Tess agrees. “But maybe it’s time he learned to slow down. He’s had his adventures. No reason he can’t teach kids to shoot, if he still wants to help on that front.”

Assuming he hasn’t lost depth perception or coordination or anything, that is..

"Early retirement."

Ellie thinks she'll help him do just about anything. If all her free time is spent keeping him company or being his assistant at the shooting range, then so be it.

“Mmhm,” she hums. He won’t like it one bit. Tess yawns again but her mind feels wide awake. “Guess it’s just as well, you moving back in. It means I won’t have to temporarily retire too just to look after him.”

As if anyone truly retires in this kind of world, but it’s nice to have something lighthearted.

"Thought you wouldn't complain about an extra pair of hands to help."

And Ellie knows if Joel is being particularly stubborn, she can get him to bend easier than Tess. Ellie looks over to her, letting go of Joel's hand as she leans back in her seat.

"You should go sleep. I'll stay with him."

the best au but still dark

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject