[She knows that grunt and pose. Stifling another yawn, she toddles behind him on her knees to wrap him in a loose, brief hug, giving him a tiny peck on the cheek. She's sure the whole Tess thing still has him upset, as well as being social.]
[ Despite himself, the hug and the small kiss to his cheek is comforting. He doesn't respond, though, just sits there awkwardly. As a kind of automatic response, Joel lets out a faint, cynical snort at Ellie's question. Even that, however, seems absent, like his mind is lost in troubled thoughts. ]
Jesse was stupid enough to put my name in the blind date auction.
[ Joel doesn't even know how to answer that. Sure as hell doesn't know how to bring up the issue of Tess. He's silent for a couple of moments, then finally turns his head just enough to see Ellie in his peripheral vision while she leans her chin his shoulder. ]
Didn't mean to wake you.
[ Because changing the subject is totally going to work. ]
[ Again, he falls silent for a few moments. He lifts his hands to his tie and starts tugging it undone, and when he pulls it free from around his neck and just rests his elbow back on his knee with the tie dangling from his hand, Lucy, being the puppy she is, sniffs at the tie before snagging it between her teeth. She gives it an experimentally playful tug.
Joel doesn't stop her. Just lets her. ]
What's that, uh. That catchphrase in those comic books you like?
[Ellie removes her chin from his shoulder, scooting along the bed to sit next to him, socked feet unable to reach the floor. The question surprises her, and she sounds it.]
[How much did he have to drink? Ellie watches him, worried, before deciding to try and get him talking. That's an uphill battle, most days.]
You know I'm here to listen if you wanna talk. [About Tess. About not believing her and making her feel crazy, but she's pretty sure about what she saw.] You're pretty obvious when something is bothering you. Venting might help.
[Figured as much. What she wants to say is that she's just as confused and freaked out, but... it's not like she can relate to Joel's situation, can she? Tess was his partner. Ellie hardly knew her.]
[ He braces a hand on his thigh and looks away. He can't work out if that churning, uneasy feeling in his chest and in his gut is nerves or nausea. Nausea from the alcohol, perhaps.
(He's not doing a very good job of convincing himself of things tonight. That definitely is thanks to the alcohol.)
[ He's quick to cut in: ] Look, could've just been someone who looks like her.
[ But even as he says that, he doesn't sound anywhere near as convinced as he wants to. If anything, maybe he sounds a little scared underneath the gruff firmness of his voice. ]
[ Yes, he wants to say. With his elbow resting on his knee, he pushes his hand through his greying hair. It's a kind of lost, uptight gesture, the way he does it, like he doesn't have the faintest clue what to do or how to handle this. ]
[ Is it okay? Is it really? No, it's not fucking okay.
He drops his hand away from his hair and turns his head to look at Ellie. His eyes are bleary, a little bloodshot with tiredness and the depressant effects of alcohol. He probably looks like a wreck.
He still can't get it out of his mind the way Ellie had challenged him to hit her the other day, like she was expecting that was what he was going to do. Ugh. He can't shake it.
He stretches his hand across to take hers, and he gives it a small but firm squeeze.
Feeling guilty and depressed and drunk with his insides all twisted up into nervous, uneasy knots about Tess. Not a good combination. ]
[Hard to tell what's the alcohol and what's Joel. Her worried frown eases into a faint smile when he squeezes her hand, and she puts her other hand over his.]
You look like crap, Joel. Maybe you should go clean up and get comfortable?
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Didn't score any numbers? No new lady pals?
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Jesse was stupid enough to put my name in the blind date auction.
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He just falls silent. ]
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... hey. You okay?
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Didn't mean to wake you.
[ Because changing the subject is totally going to work. ]
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[ Again, he falls silent for a few moments. He lifts his hands to his tie and starts tugging it undone, and when he pulls it free from around his neck and just rests his elbow back on his knee with the tie dangling from his hand, Lucy, being the puppy she is, sniffs at the tie before snagging it between her teeth. She gives it an experimentally playful tug.
Joel doesn't stop her. Just lets her. ]
What's that, uh. That catchphrase in those comic books you like?
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Endure and survive?
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You know I'm here to listen if you wanna talk. [About Tess. About not believing her and making her feel crazy, but she's pretty sure about what she saw.] You're pretty obvious when something is bothering you. Venting might help.
[Gently, she bumps his arm.]
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Tess.
[ Hardly an explanation at all, and yet just saying her name explains everything. ]
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Yeah?
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[ Which is definitely what he wants to believe. ]
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I... I don't know. We don't have to go over it again.
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[ He braces a hand on his thigh and looks away. He can't work out if that churning, uneasy feeling in his chest and in his gut is nerves or nausea. Nausea from the alcohol, perhaps.
(He's not doing a very good job of convincing himself of things tonight. That definitely is thanks to the alcohol.)
A deep and heavy sigh. ]
Saw someone tonight that looked like Tess.
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[ But even as he says that, he doesn't sound anywhere near as convinced as he wants to. If anything, maybe he sounds a little scared underneath the gruff firmness of his voice. ]
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[ Yes, he wants to say. With his elbow resting on his knee, he pushes his hand through his greying hair. It's a kind of lost, uptight gesture, the way he does it, like he doesn't have the faintest clue what to do or how to handle this. ]
...I dunno anymore.
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That's okay.
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He drops his hand away from his hair and turns his head to look at Ellie. His eyes are bleary, a little bloodshot with tiredness and the depressant effects of alcohol. He probably looks like a wreck.
He still can't get it out of his mind the way Ellie had challenged him to hit her the other day, like she was expecting that was what he was going to do. Ugh. He can't shake it.
He stretches his hand across to take hers, and he gives it a small but firm squeeze.
Feeling guilty and depressed and drunk with his insides all twisted up into nervous, uneasy knots about Tess. Not a good combination. ]
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You look like crap, Joel. Maybe you should go clean up and get comfortable?
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