vaccination | contact ☣ ❝Am I ever getting boobs or what?❞

Is that why you stink? [Like booze. Ellie sounds amused, though--Jesse messing with Joel is good. Her chin settles on his shoulder.]

Heh. [ His attempt to sound amused just comes out flat. He'd normally have something to say about Ellie teasing him about him stinking, but...

He just falls silent. ]

[Ellie leans against him for a little while, still waking up, but aware enough to know something is wrong.]

... hey. You okay?

[ Joel doesn't even know how to answer that. Sure as hell doesn't know how to bring up the issue of Tess. He's silent for a couple of moments, then finally turns his head just enough to see Ellie in his peripheral vision while she leans her chin his shoulder. ]

Didn't mean to wake you.

[ Because changing the subject is totally going to work. ]

I was just resting my eyes. [... while asleep.]

Sure you were.

[ Again, he falls silent for a few moments. He lifts his hands to his tie and starts tugging it undone, and when he pulls it free from around his neck and just rests his elbow back on his knee with the tie dangling from his hand, Lucy, being the puppy she is, sniffs at the tie before snagging it between her teeth. She gives it an experimentally playful tug.

Joel doesn't stop her. Just lets her. ]

What's that, uh. That catchphrase in those comic books you like?

[Ellie removes her chin from his shoulder, scooting along the bed to sit next to him, socked feet unable to reach the floor. The question surprises her, and she sounds it.]

Endure and survive?

[ mutters as if to commit it to memory, or perhaps to simply remind himself of it ] Endure and survive. Right.

[How much did he have to drink? Ellie watches him, worried, before deciding to try and get him talking. That's an uphill battle, most days.]

You know I'm here to listen if you wanna talk. [About Tess. About not believing her and making her feel crazy, but she's pretty sure about what she saw.] You're pretty obvious when something is bothering you. Venting might help.

[Gently, she bumps his arm.]

[ Stony, broody silence for a good few seconds. And then: ]

Tess.

[ Hardly an explanation at all, and yet just saying her name explains everything. ]

[Figured as much. What she wants to say is that she's just as confused and freaked out, but... it's not like she can relate to Joel's situation, can she? Tess was his partner. Ellie hardly knew her.]

Yeah?

Yeah. [ A pause. ] Maybe. [ Another pause. ] ...I dunno. Could've just been someone who looks like her.

[ Which is definitely what he wants to believe. ]

[She thinks he's still referring to what she saw.]

I... I don't know. We don't have to go over it again.

No, I--

[ He braces a hand on his thigh and looks away. He can't work out if that churning, uneasy feeling in his chest and in his gut is nerves or nausea. Nausea from the alcohol, perhaps.

(He's not doing a very good job of convincing himself of things tonight. That definitely is thanks to the alcohol.)

A deep and heavy sigh. ]

Saw someone tonight that looked like Tess.

What? [Ellie looks at him, turning to face him. Before or after the drinking, she wants to ask.] How long ago?

[ He doesn't pick up on what Ellie is implying about the drinking, and so just answers: ] Like I just said. Tonight. At the event.

Joel... if we both saw her...

[ He's quick to cut in: ] Look, could've just been someone who looks like her.

[ But even as he says that, he doesn't sound anywhere near as convinced as he wants to. If anything, maybe he sounds a little scared underneath the gruff firmness of his voice. ]

Is that what you really think? I don't. [She frowns. Would Tess mess with them like this?]

I...

[ Yes, he wants to say. With his elbow resting on his knee, he pushes his hand through his greying hair. It's a kind of lost, uptight gesture, the way he does it, like he doesn't have the faintest clue what to do or how to handle this. ]

...I dunno anymore.

[Ellie's not sure if Joel needs a kick in the ass or a hug.]

That's okay.

[ Is it okay? Is it really? No, it's not fucking okay.

He drops his hand away from his hair and turns his head to look at Ellie. His eyes are bleary, a little bloodshot with tiredness and the depressant effects of alcohol. He probably looks like a wreck.

He still can't get it out of his mind the way Ellie had challenged him to hit her the other day, like she was expecting that was what he was going to do. Ugh. He can't shake it.

He stretches his hand across to take hers, and he gives it a small but firm squeeze.

Feeling guilty and depressed and drunk with his insides all twisted up into nervous, uneasy knots about Tess. Not a good combination. ]

[Hard to tell what's the alcohol and what's Joel. Her worried frown eases into a faint smile when he squeezes her hand, and she puts her other hand over his.]

You look like crap, Joel. Maybe you should go clean up and get comfortable?

[ He lets out a small grunt. Maybe he should. Reluctantly, he lets Ellie hand go, and he braces his hands onto his knees to push himself up. Lucy has got possession of his tie now - she's shaking it about with little playful growling noises. Joel steps past her, kind of swaying a little unsteadily as he does so. He heads out of the room to the bathroom, strips off and has a quick, hot shower.

Not that that does anything to really sober him up: when he returns to the room about ten, maybe fifteen minutes later with a towel around his waist, there's still a kind of subtly ungainly manner in the way he walks. And even though he's brushed his teeth, he still smells of booze. He pulls on a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, hangs the towel over the back of a chair, and head for the bed. ]

Scoot. [ He makes a tired shooing motion at Ellie to give him room, and sags down onto the bed to climb under the covers. ]

[Drunk Joel is weird. Ellie's not sure if she should be concerned or not. Though, in this sort of sedated mood, he's kinda easier to talk to...]

How are you feeling? [She's nice and moves the covers aside for him.] Better?

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject