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[vaccination]

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[shittybirthday]

[ Stony, broody silence for a good few seconds. And then: ]

Tess.

[ Hardly an explanation at all, and yet just saying her name explains everything. ]

[vaccination]

[Figured as much. What she wants to say is that she's just as confused and freaked out, but... it's not like she can relate to Joel's situation, can she? Tess was his partner. Ellie hardly knew her.]

Yeah?

[shittybirthday]

Yeah. [ A pause. ] Maybe. [ Another pause. ] ...I dunno. Could've just been someone who looks like her.

[ Which is definitely what he wants to believe. ]

[vaccination]

[She thinks he's still referring to what she saw.]

I... I don't know. We don't have to go over it again.

[shittybirthday]

No, I--

[ He braces a hand on his thigh and looks away. He can't work out if that churning, uneasy feeling in his chest and in his gut is nerves or nausea. Nausea from the alcohol, perhaps.

(He's not doing a very good job of convincing himself of things tonight. That definitely is thanks to the alcohol.)

A deep and heavy sigh. ]

Saw someone tonight that looked like Tess.

[vaccination]

What? [Ellie looks at him, turning to face him. Before or after the drinking, she wants to ask.] How long ago?

[shittybirthday]

[ He doesn't pick up on what Ellie is implying about the drinking, and so just answers: ] Like I just said. Tonight. At the event.

[vaccination]

Joel... if we both saw her...

[shittybirthday]

[ He's quick to cut in: ] Look, could've just been someone who looks like her.

[ But even as he says that, he doesn't sound anywhere near as convinced as he wants to. If anything, maybe he sounds a little scared underneath the gruff firmness of his voice. ]

[vaccination]

Is that what you really think? I don't. [She frowns. Would Tess mess with them like this?]

[shittybirthday]

I...

[ Yes, he wants to say. With his elbow resting on his knee, he pushes his hand through his greying hair. It's a kind of lost, uptight gesture, the way he does it, like he doesn't have the faintest clue what to do or how to handle this. ]

...I dunno anymore.

[vaccination]

[Ellie's not sure if Joel needs a kick in the ass or a hug.]

That's okay.

[shittybirthday]

[ Is it okay? Is it really? No, it's not fucking okay.

He drops his hand away from his hair and turns his head to look at Ellie. His eyes are bleary, a little bloodshot with tiredness and the depressant effects of alcohol. He probably looks like a wreck.

He still can't get it out of his mind the way Ellie had challenged him to hit her the other day, like she was expecting that was what he was going to do. Ugh. He can't shake it.

He stretches his hand across to take hers, and he gives it a small but firm squeeze.

Feeling guilty and depressed and drunk with his insides all twisted up into nervous, uneasy knots about Tess. Not a good combination. ]

[vaccination]

[Hard to tell what's the alcohol and what's Joel. Her worried frown eases into a faint smile when he squeezes her hand, and she puts her other hand over his.]

You look like crap, Joel. Maybe you should go clean up and get comfortable?

[shittybirthday]

[ He lets out a small grunt. Maybe he should. Reluctantly, he lets Ellie hand go, and he braces his hands onto his knees to push himself up. Lucy has got possession of his tie now - she's shaking it about with little playful growling noises. Joel steps past her, kind of swaying a little unsteadily as he does so. He heads out of the room to the bathroom, strips off and has a quick, hot shower.

Not that that does anything to really sober him up: when he returns to the room about ten, maybe fifteen minutes later with a towel around his waist, there's still a kind of subtly ungainly manner in the way he walks. And even though he's brushed his teeth, he still smells of booze. He pulls on a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, hangs the towel over the back of a chair, and head for the bed. ]

Scoot. [ He makes a tired shooing motion at Ellie to give him room, and sags down onto the bed to climb under the covers. ]

[vaccination]

[Drunk Joel is weird. Ellie's not sure if she should be concerned or not. Though, in this sort of sedated mood, he's kinda easier to talk to...]

How are you feeling? [She's nice and moves the covers aside for him.] Better?

[shittybirthday]

[ Joel turns off the bedside lamp before he lies down. He has to ease himself down on the pillow. Moving too fast might make his head spin in that unpleasant, drunken tilt-a-whirl that tends to happen when one has drank a little too much. ]

Like shit.

[vaccination]

[... honesty. Can't fault him for that.]

I'm sorry.

[Just in general.]

[shittybirthday]

[ Joel just sighs, long and heavy, before he's reaching an arm out in the dark towards Ellie to pull her to him. ]

[vaccination]

[Ellie scoots against his side willingly, head on his shoulder.]

No matter what's going on, we're in it together. Okay? You and me.

[shittybirthday]

[ Ellie cuddled up against his side, warm and solid, is at least a little anchoring. With his arm circled underneath her, he drops his hand onto her head to cradle it against his shoulder.

His head is doing that drunken tilt-a-whirl thing now he's lying down. It's only slight but it's very definitely there, even more so when he closes his eyes. ]

Yeah. Yeah, I know. [ A pause. ] Hope it stays that way.

[ Maybe drinking makes Joel a little more honest than he normally would be. ]

[vaccination]

Of course it will. We'll always have each other. [There's a lot that could go wrong, but maybe hearing this will help him. Or hearing her saying it, at least.]

[shittybirthday]

[ God, he hopes so. Even despite the pessimism settling into his thoughts, he squeezes Ellie to him, kinda grateful to hear her say that. Nestling his head against the pillow in effort to get more comfortable, his cheek comes to a rest against the top of Ellie's head.

A small lull of silence falls between them for a minute or so. He finds his thoughts drifting back to seeing Tess - or someone who looked like Tess - at the event, and it causes an uneasy churn on his chest.

Need to think about something else. The rest of the evening pops into his periphery - that goddamned "date", finding out Jesse had been the asshole to put his name into that thing... ]

Gonna kill Jesse.

[vaccination]

[Ellie laughs a little.]

No killing Jesse.

[shittybirthday]

Stupid kid put my name in a blind date auction.

[ Jesse is dead a thousand times over. ]