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[vaccination]

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audio

[vaccination]

Holy shit. Okay, are you just skipping over the important part, here?

audio

[dog_eat_dog]

[Well, there's that too. Tess sighs, almost relenting.]

I graduated.

[Humbling, actually, that she was ever an inmate to begin with.]

[vaccination]

Holy shit, you actually did it--not that I didn't think you'd get there, but--wow. Holy shit. Congrats. Arthur must be relieved.

[dog_eat_dog]

But it took a lot longer than either of us expected.

[Making it is all that matters.

Thanks. And he's over the moon. Gonna have a good week before I help pack him up to head home.

[vaccination]

How's it feel?

[Having graduated, or Arthur going home. Or both. Ellie knows they're close.]

[dog_eat_dog]

Overwhelming. Shitty.

[The second one needs clarification:]

It has to stick this time.

[vaccination]

What do you mean?

[dog_eat_dog]

I know what god awful shit I’m capable of, and old habits are easy to go back to. I can’t fall back on that anymore, but it’d be easy to.

[vaccination]

... wow. Did Arthur make you write that on a chalk board 100 times to graduate?

[It's a joke!!! She's laughing!!!]

[dog_eat_dog]

Jesus, no, but he managed to stay on the good track for me, so… I can figure it out too.

[vaccination]

Aww.

[Be serious, Ellie.]

But... really, I'm happy for you. You'll be a good warden.

[dog_eat_dog]

[Aww, kid.]

Thanks. I hope so.

How you holding up?

[vaccination]

All right. Waiting for shit to get worse, but what's new?

[dog_eat_dog]

Yeah… I doubt this is just a one time thing.

[Not when it’s happened before.]

But hey, it’s two of us now working on one deal. We just have to finish it and we can get out of here.

[vaccination]

Yeah. I, uh.

[--don't talk about emotions much.]

Really miss Dina and JJ. And Joel too, obviously. I think I finally figured out what I'd say to him.

[Getting your throat ripped out kind of puts things in perspective.]

[dog_eat_dog]

[Tess pauses. A touch more lightly:]

Oh yeah?

[vaccination]

Yeah.

[She could leave it there. But she sucks in a breath and carries on.]

I'd tell him I'm sorry. He's an asshole, but I... get it. I love him, so. I get it.

[Ellie is pretty sure Joel knew she loved him. Right? He had to, but hearing it would probably mean something to him. And she doesn't want to leave room for doubt about shit anymore.

He won't be around forever even if she's gotten him back.]

[dog_eat_dog]

[She thinks about this time last year, sitting on Ellie’s couch and folding laundry with him. It had hurt at the time just to think about, but now…]

I’m sure he’ll be happy to hear that.

[Amused:]

In a Joel way, but you know.

[vaccination]

Nah. I'm aiming for tears.

[She jokes, but. She heard it in his voice, out on the cold that night, and she can't imagine the emotions being any less with him back.]

[dog_eat_dog]

Milk it for all it's worth, kid.

[vaccination]

Yeah.

Might be sooner rather than later.

[dog_eat_dog]

Yeah?

[There's a concern there, that she'll chicken out. Hasn't the last six months been one extended bout of cowardice, a refusal to see him?

But Tess has grown soft, too.]

You ready for that?

[vaccination]

I think so. It's so stupid, but after the--[she's not going to say it, but she motions to her neck, even though it's audio because she's an idiot, but she's sure Tess knows what she's getting at.]

When I was on the mend, I just wanted him. To just... talk to, I guess.

[Like a little kid with a scraped knee, wanting her dad. Except it was a bit more dramatic than that.]

Might be a sign that I'm ready.

[dog_eat_dog]

[Tess feels her heart twist.]

Oh, sweetheart. I'm sorry he wasn't there.

[And that feels embarrassing, too sentimental for a kid that isn't hers, for a kid she's been awful to in turns but feels like she owes something to, but she lets it stand. It is how she feels.]

I'm glad you're ready. I hope it goes well.