TLV | inbox

[vaccination]

AUDIO | VIDEO | TEXT | ACTION

Comments

[vaccination]

Ellie knows why Joel did what he did. Even if she can't forgive him for it, she knows he did it because he loved her.

It makes her feel all the more awful.

"Even if it fucked over humanity? He killed the one person who might have been able to do something."

[worthallthis]

He has to think through his answer a moment, so there's a long pause before he says anything, brows together to show he's thinking hard. "The people who. Owned me. They had me kill people. Lots of them. To make the world better, they said. I'm the only thing that could do that. Bring the world the freedom it deserves." He shudders a little, visible but not too bad, at the repetition of his handler's words. "But I'm not supposed to do that now. Right?"

He hasn't quite hit the point of being able to put a value judgment on that, to say it was wrong. It was his job, and even if he didn't like it, he can't quite call it "wrong". But he can see the comparison, when Ellie lays it out like that. A person who would have killed Ellie (who he very much does not want to be dead) to make the world better, compared to him who absolutely killed people to supposedly make the world better.

[vaccination]

Ellie listens, frowning, trying to figure out where he's going with this.

"Right. Because the people who made you do those things weren't good people."

She wouldn't say killing in of itself is bad because she's been in so many situations where she's had to kill or be killed.

"You weren't given a choice." Neither was she, one way or another. No one ever asked her if she'd be willing to die for a cure. Marlene assumed yes. Joel, no. Everyone made the choice for her.

[worthallthis]

He's not sure he agrees with that, but that's neither here nor there. Making the comparison with her means she's assuming she didn't, either. "What would you have chosen?"

If she says she'd choose to die... which he's starting to think she might... he's gonna have a problem. (Why does he have so many semi-suicidal friends?)

[vaccination]

"The greater good. If my life could save thousands, it's a pretty easy choice to make."

But. She'd never sacrifice JJ, or Dina, or Joel for that same cause. She'd never even let them consider such a thing.

She's allowed to be a hypocrite.

"Look, I know it's a shitty answer, but if you saw how fucked up my world is, you'd at least think about it."

[worthallthis]

Yeah, he... does not like that. He's frowning, and the arm is recalibrating under his sleeve. It takes him a minute of trying to make himself speak, before he says tightly: "I don't want you to die. I don't care how fucked up your world is."

[vaccination]

That makes Ellie smile a little. Always good to hear him say things he wants, his own thoughts, even if Ellie's really fucking conflicted about the whole thing and likely will be for the rest of her life.

"The good news is that I'm pretty good at staying alive, and with the surgeon dead, it's not happening, so."

And her deal is for Joel, not a cure, and not the hands that might be able to make one after cutting into her brain.

[worthallthis]

He considers this, then nods. "Good. I had to tell Godric not to kill himself, too. Maybe even Rogers. I don't want to have to tell you that, too." That's two wants in a row, but this one is easier to say than the last one.

[vaccination]

"I thought I'm supposed to be the one telling you stuff."

The sentiment isn't lost on her, though. It's nice that people prefer her alive than dead--that chat with Marlene didn't leave her feeling better about herself. For Marlene, there was still hope for some sort of cure.

[worthallthis]

He shrugs, and finally puts his fingers on the piano keys, just the right hand, making a single stepped triad, a pretty little harmony. "I guess I'm doing the inmate thing wrong, then." He actually doesn't sound serious. He sounds ultra-bland, which is a cue Ellie will recognize by now as his attempt at humor.

[vaccination]

She does, and it makes her huff out a breath of air as she lowers her legs and leans down to get her guitar.

"Smartass," she mutters, but there's nothing cruel about it. "So, now that we've established this place is out to fuck with us, what do you want me to do?"

[worthallthis]

He kind of likes being called a smartass. Sass is fun. Only with people who are edging into "safe", but still. "Pick a song. A good song. I want to try and play it on the piano." Which means hearing her play it very, very slowly so he can match guitar note to piano key.

[vaccination]

"I only know good songs."

He's not the only smartass. Ellie settles the guitar on her leg. "I'll play it first, then go way slower, okay? And I'll spare you the singing."

True Faith is a classic, but damn sometimes those lyrics hit deep. She's got it memorized at least, even if her guitar playing hasn't seen much of the light of day here, so it comes easily.

[worthallthis]

It also seems like something that would translate well to piano. There's more plucking than strumming, not very many chords to work out, just lots of notes in sequence to work out, with some slight dual-note harmonizing. B listens close, and thinks he can maybe even do it.

He's so busy focusing on the notes he couldn't even really tell you if it was a nice song or not. What he can say is, "You're good." Not a single mis-plucked note, as far as he can tell.

[vaccination]

That earns him a brief grin.

"Thanks. I do accept ass kissing at all times, you know."

[worthallthis]

"I'll remember that." He's not actually sure if he knows how to do that, unless it's just compliments when deserved? But he'll remember. More importantly, though: "That shouldn't be too hard to turn into a piano song. Just need to put the notes to the right keys. Can you play it again? In pieces?"

[vaccination]

If there's anything Ellie can say she's good at, it's surviving and guitar.

"Yeah, sure," she says, and slowly plays the first few notes for him.

"Do you think you played music before?"

Before the whole stasis sleep stuff.

[worthallthis]

"No." He finds the first note, then works out the next two based on how close they are in sound. Three steps up-- no, three and a half-- repeat, repeat, then a descending scale for two more notes. "I have. Muscle memory. Skills remain when context does not. Remembered sewing." And HYDRA never would have made him repair his own gear. That would require being out of the ice for anything other than missions. "So I'd know how to play if I ever did it before."

[vaccination]

"Huh. Cool," Ellie says, watching him play. "Guess you fixed your own clothes before, then."

[worthallthis]

He repeats the sequence, to make sure it sounds right. "With a needle and thread in the right color. Yes, I could. Though I can't knit. I remember that, too." He considers a moment, then asks, "Are needles allowed for inmates? Or are they too sharp, like weapons?"

[vaccination]

"If you can have utensils, you should be able to have a needle." Anything is a weapon if you try hard enough, is Ellie's motto. Maybe not the Admiral's.

Ellie gives him a few more notes.

[worthallthis]

"Okay." He picks out those notes, one at a time, taking a moment and a couple tries for the last. "Then. I might need one. And thread." He hesitates, uncertain. Asking is hard, in general, but now he's unsure about the chain of command. "You're not my warden now. Should I ask Misty?"

[vaccination]

"Yeah, just to be sure. I don't see why she wouldn't let you have it if it's allowed," Ellie tells him. "She seems nice."

[worthallthis]

She does seem nice. In a weirdly authoritative way. "Told me. No more maintenance. Then made me a whole store in the Enclosure to destroy when I cried about it."

He slowly but neatly puts the two sets of notes together, playing through the whole phrase.

[vaccination]

"You were upset about no more maintenance?"

She pauses on going on with the tune. That's news to her.